leftcoast's Diaryland Diary



when i walked down the halls of the hospis i wanted to stop in every single room, just to say hi. i felt bad for every room that was empty, no visitors i just wanted to keep them company. i hated seeing pictures out side of rooms of happy people before, and then seeing them now laying on their beds.
my grandpa has a picture of all the grandchildren, it makes me proud. i was really scared when i first went to see him, and it was the scariest thing i have ever seen before.
people that are sick are frightening, you dont know what to do. i was scared to even touch him when i first saw him. the first day he didn't talk much, just layed there stick and bones looking around, talking in whispers.
i went for dinner with my mom dad brother and my grandpas sister joan.
we went back to grandpas but there was alot of people so i went out for dinner with my cousins and aunt and uncle. it was annoying how everyone kept saying how grandpas really changed since last time, i obviously could fucking see.
then i went to aunt leahs. keesha came home for a minute, that was fucking surprising. i wanted to yell at her, i dont even want to consider her family, shes ridiculous, thanks for the visit.
this morning i went to the flea market with my dad then we went back to grandpas. no one was there and he started crying when he saw us, he was so lonely and he thought no one was coming to see him. i wasnt as scared and i shaved his face and combed his hair and then the nurses got him into this chair thing and we took him to the kitchen. some other people joined us, this really sweet old lady and her son, and a bald man in a wheel chair. i put my rip off DG sunglasses on grandpa and did his hair in a mohawk and made him where my scarf. he was alot more talkative today, i never really knew what he was saying, but he was talking. he was telling my brother the three rules of life.
1. shine your shoes
2. clip your nails
3. shit, shower, shampoo
later when we moved rooms he held my hand and thought my fingers were straws and almost sucked on them. then we left to go home and my brother cryed in the car and got a bleeding nose and all i could think about is how i never want my grandpa to be alone there.

4:36 p.m. - 2006-03-05


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