leftcoast's Diaryland Diary

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everybody hurts sometimes

I always find myself looking at pictures of people I know, or I guess knew.

It's so weird, to actually think about. I always find myself thinking things like, I wonder what they act like around them, I wonder what they do, I wonder who they are. The scariest part is looking at pictures of someone you knew and thinking do I still know them?
I mean, I want to hold onto my friends so badly. But I keep finding myself thinking about how things used to be. But nothings like how it used to be any more. That scares me.
I keep thinking, I want this and I want that, and I want things to be like they used to. But I don't even remember what things were like. Or maybe I think about it too much, and it was never like how I thought it was.
I'm scared that when I see these people it won't be like how it used to be.
Do you ever feel like you left your life behind?

On the other hand, I have the two best friends in the entire world. I am so excited to be going across the world to meet the both of them. This is going to be such an adventure. I'm really starting to miss Melanie. I think about her lots, like what she's doing and thinking and if she's changed alot. I'm sure things about her have changed, but she will always still be Melanie. It was really nice to hear from her. I was lucky to be with Katie when she called us. We had a long chat and talked about lots of stuff.
I'm worried about flying alone, but I think it will all be part of the experience. My first major trip alone. Fending for myself...haha, I laugh at that because really, all I'm doing alone is hanging around Shanghai and Tokyo airport alone.
But who knows, maybe it will be scary?

I was in costco yesterday and I was looking at the books with my mom. We were just standing there and I was talking overly loud (as usual)
and I was telling her about how I was going to bring scott's gameboy on the trip
so I went to say 'I think I'm going to bring scott's game boy' but I said
'I think I'm going to bring scott's playboy.
EVERYONE heard. I was mortified. It was actually quite embarrassing. I couldn't stop laughing.

Anyways until next time.
Love
courtney

6:17 p.m. - 2008-03-27

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