leftcoast's Diaryland Diary



everyday I'm moving farther away.
I am getting better about this whole break up thing. I just have my moments. Lately I've been feeling angry. Because you feel like you have spent so much time with somebody, you have shared so much of yourself, and you think you truly know them.
Right now I feel like he is a complete stranger to me. I don't know who he is, because I never thought he would act like this and I never thought this would happen. It's upsetting.

I had fun last night but at the same time a few things were bothering me. I think because I am feeling insecure about my friends and making friends right now makes me more aware of how people act around me. I just want to feel wanted and appreciated by the people I care about.

In other news my arm hurts. I have tomorrow off and I am going to go downtown and apply for jobs. I'm being so bad about it. I just hate that first step! But I really should be getting out there- and hopefully with a job I can have an opportunity to meet new people.

I was watching this video and it had a family of 5 in it. They were such an incredible family. The parents had such a fun relationship and they were so good with their kids. I feel like I just want so much to happen in my life, but by the time it does I am going to be like FUCK WHAT THE FUCK ANOTHER KID HOLY SHIT HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME ahuihfs. And instead of being a hot mom like I always fantasize I am going to be wearing sweat pants and shopping in the plus size section for my extra 'me' that I've gained.
But until that happens..

Scott is going to Australia tomorrow. OH MY GOD. It totally doesn't seem like it's for real. I love him and I hope he has a fun time!

12:31 a.m. - 2010-01-18


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