leftcoast's Diaryland Diary



I'm nervous about tomorrow.
I think tomorrow night might be the first time I've seen him in pretty much a month.
It's not that I'm scared of him exactly. I'm scared that when I will see him I will get upset because I know I still have feelings for him and that I still like him.
It's not like having a crush, where you want to be in the same room with them.
I know I am going to be in the same room with him wondering why we aren't in it together.

Everything just seems so fucked up to me.
Love, like, lust, admiration, falling for someone. When is it right and when is it wrong. When is it meant to be or how do you know it isn't the right person? And when do you get to find out the right answer to all these questions? You think you have an idea but you have absolutely no clue.

I just don't get what kind of crazy lesson this is for me. Yeah sure I might get it down the road. But right now, where my head is at, this is the dumbest thing I have had to go through. It fucking sucks. I hate how I feel.
I don't want to always be so sad and emotional. I hate it.

I am going to try and let that be the last thing that is said. But sometimes I am just so overwhelmed with what has happened and what emotions I have been dealing with. I'm not okay. I want to be, trust me. But there is something that makes it so hard and I don't know what it is. And I can't understand it, but everyone says you simply can't.
I have to accept that.

11:07 p.m. - 2010-01-21


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