leftcoast's Diaryland Diary



never bend your head.
Always hold it high.
look the world straight in the eye.


kinda just ready to come home already. I'm sure once I have been home I will feel differently and by the end of the summer I will be ready to come back out to Victoria. I'm really looking forward to Jessica coming out here and living together and that will all just be alot of fun I think!

I don't know what will happen on Wednesday and what will be said between John and I. I'm trying not to think about it. I think this whole time that I've been hanging out with him I haven't really thought about it that much. That's a probably a good thing. Lately when I get thinking about things too much I kind of end up screwing myself over. I guess there isn't much to really do about him. I'm leaving he's leaving and one thing I know for sure is that I am not dealing with anything over the summer. We will see what September brings.
I wish I could care more about him. He really is a great guy. I realize that when I talk to my mom about him or about hanging out with him I really do sound happy. I'm always telling her how weird it feels to be with somebody who always wants to be with me. It's like how I was with Taylor. And some times I get really upset because I feel like the biggest asshole when I avoid hanging out with him or tell him I don't want to sleep over. That is exactly what Taylor did to me and that is exactly what hurt me the most.
I don't really know what I think. Yesterday I had a bit of a freak out and I ended up talking to my mom about last semester and things that have been on my mind and heavy on my heart. It's pathetic that I haven't been able to move on. I always defend him because I don't know why I can't stop liking him. It's hard when the thing is not so much that you just want to have somebody to care about you, you know who you want to care about you and they don't.


How about bring on the boys of summer. I would like an older boy. Someone who knows what they are doing, got things figured out. Someone who can take initiative. A guy that has hobbies and interests and has their own thing going for them. I like tattoos and I like guys that skateboard. I want somebody that I can be crazy with and we can go out and have fun. Somebody who likes to snuggle and hold hands and kiss alot. I think I'm digging guys that kind of have beards and mustaches and I don't mind shaggy hair. Keeping up their unkeptness..
I want a guy that I actually like and don't feel bad about hanging out with.


11:11 p.m. - 2010-04-26


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