leftcoast's Diaryland Diary



Today I was watching Jim Carry's Canada skit on youtube with Zach. That video reminds me so much of Taylor. They look so alike there, especially since Jim Carry looks so young. So I definitely have had Taylor on my mind all day.
Actually I won't lie, he's always on my mind. My parents are going to blue rodeo and invited me to go. The first thing that crossed my mind was that Blue Rodeo is one of Taylor's favorite bands and how I wish I could call him up and invite him because he would probably think that was just fantastic.
In reality I couldn't be any farther from picking up the phone and calling him. I miss him. I think about working things out all the time. But I think I have played my moves..
To be honest sometimes I think of Taylor and I can't even remember what it was like to be with him. Being in love with each other seems like it didn't even happen.

I haven't seen much of anyone this summer. To be honest I haven't really minded. The only person that I find myself constantly caring about is Spencer, surprise, surprise. It's been really hard for me to let him and our friendship go. I can't move on. I feel that when I talk negatively about him it's some sort of defence mechanism. Like I'm trying to cover up how much he has hurt me.. and though he has I still care. Maybe time will heal? I just always imagined so much more for Spencer and I. He was someone I really wanted to have in my life for a long time.
He has hurt me though, and I have hurt him and things haven't worked out. He has disappointed me. I will continue to try my best to push him out of my thoughts and heart until it can heal or things can progress the way they should.

Things are going better with Josh. Right now I feel content with where we stand. When I'm with him I feel wanted and we have fun. When we aren't together I don't worry about him and I'm feeling really good about that. I'm glad things have sorted themselves out for the most part. I really appreciate that he is somebody that will take the time and effort to see things through and make sure everything has it's place. The last thing I needed was a shitty breakup and to end a relationship with yet another person I have really enjoyed having in my life. I wish things could have been the same with some of my other relationships.

12:55 a.m. - 2010-07-02


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