leftcoast's Diaryland Diary


some times it lasts in love, some times it hurts instead

I miss you today.
I will always miss you.
I have moved forwards, and every day I get better. But I know, that right now, I will always miss you.
Sometimes I can't draw the line between missing you and missing what we had. Just that love for each other. The excitement, the happiness. I don't feel like I truly feel that with anyone else, and the keeps me up at night because I know I could be happier.

I get so jealous of couples. Almost angry at them. How could they love each other? How could they work so well? How could they be together for more than a year and still have that spark that I sometimes can't even get with a new crush.

I wish things could rewind and we could replay this all again. Was I too immature back then? I feel like I have learned so much. But isn't that the point? Each experience is another life lesson.
But maybe I need to do it again to get over it. I don't know what I need. I feel like I am forever in a search for that thing that will finally make things okay. Being friends? Getting together? Talking? Hating? I continue to try everything and it doesn't work.
Maybe it's the fact that you absolutely don't give a fuck. Maybe that's what hits the hardest and hurts the most. That while I struggle to get myself back together, you couldn't care less about me.
I hear so many people talking about how much they still care about their ex girlfriends. How much they still love them and want them to be happy. Is that what I want?


5:18 p.m. - 2011-02-26


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