leftcoast's Diaryland Diary



Scott is officially in Seattle. In a short span he broke it off with his 'girlfriend' and decided to fly to the states to see his ex-girlfriend Hilary.
I feel a few different things about him going there. Ultimately, I saw how sad and emotionally drained he was about his relationship with Hilary, and it broke my heart. I really think he does need to do this, to see her and to talk to her. Who knows what's going to happen - when I asked him he said 'I know what's exactly going to happen, I'm going to go there, talk to her, come home and get over it'.
But for some reason I don't know if that will happen for him. I know him, he is exactly like me. He has a hard time letting go. He has such a sensitive, empathetic and loving soul. He loves with everything he has, and he loves Hilary. Right now he just can't get past what should be happening between them, and what is happening.
But of course I am scared he will get hurt. I love him, and I care about him. I know how tough everything has been already. I hope he is able to find what he is looking for - if that means finally being able to move on, or realizing that he and Hilary really need to figure things out and work on building a relationship again.
We are both going through similar situations. I am so glad that I have him to talk to. Even though I am going through the same motions, and feeling the same things, my heart just hurts for him so much. I guess it's because I know how he feels. It's just like the time Katie phoned me and talked about how things were going bad between her and Ramsey, and she thought things might not work out. And I just cried for her, because I knew what she was feeling and that it's the worst feeling ever.
I just hope things work out for Scott and that he can find his happiness - however or whatever that is.
I was surprised to be nudged on the bus by Mitch this morning. I haven't seen him for such a long time. He looked really good all dressed up and in his 'corporate business' attire. It's really neat seeing people you went to school with move onto bigger things and live a professional life. He's such a nice guy. We also had a bit of a hard conversation. He told me about breaking up with Lauren, and I told him about breaking up with Nic. I told him I didn't want to and he said the same. I felt bad for him. I said atleast he gets to be her friend, and talk to her. And he said he didn't want to. I said I wish I could but I don't talk to Nic. What's the perfect medium? Would he really be happy not talking to Lauren, would I really be happy talking to Nic? But I don't want to be Nic's friend right now, I want to be his girlfriend. It's exactly how Scott explained it, and why he's had so much trouble with Hilary. He doesn't want to be her friend. It's all or nothing.
But I'm glad I saw him. It made my morning better, maybe we will run into each other on our commute a bit more.

9:18 a.m. - 2012-11-23


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