leftcoast's Diaryland Diary

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Colly Strings

I get sad because I lost him. We are not the same anymore. Obviously. But a part of me just hopes to get the responses out of him. That he will feel the same way and want to tell me.
My heart hurts every time I think of him, and I am thinking about him all the time. I can't let go. I'm just always wondering why. Why couldn't we have just tried. Things could have worked. I wanted to be with him. I truly believe we were meant to be together and I don't think our time is up yet. But I feel like I will never know.
I think about him telling me that he wasn't interesting in dating anyone. That he didn't want to try things with me because he wouldn't be good to me. And it just makes me think that he said it almost as an excuse. He wouldn't have the time for me, or wouldn't be a good boyfriend. But he's doing that all for someone else now. It's not that he can't be those things for another girl, he can't be those things for me. And that hurts, because he was my boyfriend and he shared so many things with me. And all of that's gone just like that.
He went from being the most important person in my life, to the least present. I feel like I'm mourning a loss. I AM mourning a loss. Something that was once a constant it gone.
It fucking sucks, everything fucking sucks about it. Being in love with somebody who doesn't love you back is the worst thing to go through. And I never fell out of love with him. I never thought we wouldn't be. I never moved on or thought our relationship was over.
And he did. And right now I hate him for that.

11:21 p.m. - 2012-11-22

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