leftcoast's Diaryland Diary


"I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time and thinks I'm the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me."

I've been having a funny last couple of days.
so i start talking about how i had the best corn on the cob in my life the other day but i stopped myself, said, "sometimes i say things and wonder why i am even trying to tell someone this. this is one of those times." but you fired right back with, "oh. my. god. CORN ON THE FUCKING COB. ROASTED. i'd marry that shit."
and i just want to say if i never find anyone else who can make me laugh like you do in my whole entire life or who seems to actually understand me like you do in my whole entire life...
i was going to say it would be terribly sad but i think at this point i would just have to sit back and think about how goddamn lucky i am that i have you and people like you.

this has always been a haven for immediate reactions.

i have a lot of things to learn in my life.
every time i fight with someone or they get mad at me, i assume they are never going to want to talk to me again. (in other words, i am crazy.)

at least it is crazy in the sense that i understand the people in my life are important and don't want to lose them in any way.
inside my own head i'm very overdramatic.
this is my own fault and i'm aware of it.

looking back there isn't even much to be upset about. i read things between the lines that aren't necessarily there.
all i see is a neon sign telling me how everyone else in the world sees nothing of value in me.

i often feel as though i am the one who is trying for other people. it is nice when there are those moments that it is clear someone else is trying for me.

my point is that sometimes i forget that people have that capacity--the capacity to surprise you and be, in some way, someone they're not. it's important to remember.

1:35 p.m. - 2013-07-08


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