leftcoast's Diaryland Diary




You know that one question that always seems to sneak into a conversation of reflection.

Do you have any regrets?

What's your biggest regret in life?

Would you go back and change anything?

For a long time it's been a prevailing shrug at 'I don't think I have any', or maybe it's just been that it was too formidable to deep dive into the past and pull up any particular moment or memory in time that I could recall for light hearted exchange.

Regret seems to linger now. The nagging & nipping little dog that is constantly at my heels. The 20lb weight on my shoulders. The dark shadow that follows me everywhere I go. It's those thoughts that creeps into this overwhelmed and seemingly lost brain of mine day in and day out.

There is the cliche, life is too short and time is too precious to dwell on your regrets. My fear is that I will never move on. Will I be thinking 'what if' through life's trajectory, never certain of where I am, who I'm with and the choices I have and haven't made. I have this vision of what my life is meant to look like, but I've been viewing it from a rear view mirror for the past couple years. Or am I the one standing in the rear view mirror as my regrets and future regrets recede farther and farther from the grasp of my reality.

This is it, this is my one life, and I fear living with regret for eternity.

12:43 p.m. - 2019-12-06


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